Perfectism is a lie. It’s procrastination in disguise trying to keep us ‘safe.’
I was in a relationship with someone for 6 years and the last 3 of those 6 years, I knew in my heart it was wrong.
But I chose to stay. Why? Because nothing was ’seemly’ wrong. He was a good guy that for the most part treated me well. He was stable in every way and I knew I could always count on him. I used to call him ‘my rock.’
We fell into patterns of predictability and did things together. He loved to cook, meanwhile I always fell into the role of ‘prep cook,’ despite my many vocalizations of wanting to take the reigns once in awhile.
That alone can give a snapshot of roles we played. Deep down I realized it at the time but like many things in life, we are blind because we choose to be blind. In retrospect, it was my trade for ‘safety.’
He HATED that I was a sought out burlesque performer so I stopped because I didn’t want to hurt him. That in turn, hurt me but I became well versed in justifying these sort of things.
The more flexible I was to appease him, the more fixed he became. I got used to saying YES while he got used to saying NO. Slowly but surely my adventurous light started to dim until the the end of the 6 year mark, I felt as if I was a a mere shell of who I once was.
Meanwhile, everything just became so… predictable. I would metaphorically look into a crystal ball into my future and see … the same thing over and over again. I wanted to scream.
Over the last few years of us being together, I cried buckets of tears of hurt. ALL I wanted to do was to somehow FIX us but nothing seemed to stick. We both knew something was wrong but we were both terrified to leave. While I was being the YES girl to him, I had forgotten how to say yes to myself.
The day I left, I didn’t cry. I didn’t have any tears left. I’ll never forget the feeling I had as I was filling my tank up at a gas station, about to leave everything I knew behind and looking into a seemingly uncertain future.
Peace.I was finally at peace.
I don’t know how else to describe it.
In that moment, I felt as if I was standing in my power and ready to receive what was next. And… it was given to me.
That year, I had one of the best years of my life. I started to solo travel around the world, made incredible connections, and it felt like amazing opportunities were offered to me left and right. I was 100% living in my truth and the Universe took care of me. Everything always seemed to work out so magically.
Being IN that flow became my REALITY.
I’ve come to realize, it was because of my PERCEPTION that created this reality. The moment I said yes to myself and fully left the safety net with trust that it would all be okay, I was handed the keys to my life of creation.
This will only happen if we we fully step out of our comfort zone and stretch ourselves into the scary unknown. The Universe will not provide an epic transformation if we operate at half ass .. as in: one foot in/one foot out WAITING for an opportunity to arrive. (you see, this is still playing it safe)
Trust me, I’ve A/B tested this one many times over again!
Since my Magical Year… I’ve had major ups and downs with many breakdowns in between.
Some times in my moments of darkness, I would think back to my Magical Year and try to recreate in my mind, asking myself ‘What was it I was doing that brought so much joy and opportunity that year and how can I get that feeling back?’
I now know that I was asking the wrong questions.It wasn’t what I was doing at all. It was WHO I was BEING.
This makes me laugh a little bit because I had to learn this lesson over and over again for it to stick.
Thank you, Universe. I got it this time! We all have our own path to walk with many lessons along the way. It can seem very messy some times as we fight to hold it all together.
But perhaps, some things are not meant to be held together any longer despite the idea of comfort masked within safety. Learning to let go will give us the opportunity to let our wings fly. But, we have to surrender and trust that it will all be okay. I’m willing to bet, if you allow yourself to step fully in your power and trust, what’s waiting on the other side will be far greater than what you can ‘see’ right now.
BELIEVING IS SEEING.
..not the other way around.
I’m calling out to you Visionaries, Entrepreneurs, Risk Takers, Life Lovers, Truth Tellers, Freedom Fighters, Light Workers, and Badass Babes who are ready to say YES to yourselves and step into your greatness. This life is way too short to be living half ass. Being ‘stuck’ is a choice.
Overwhelm is a choice. When I started to call BS on my stories and own my choices, that’s when magic happens. Because life honestly should be amazing. Create it!
Saying no to something that is out of alignment with who you are, is actually how you get IN alignment.
See what is possible for YOU and YOUR version of Lifestyle Design. Learn how to create a sustainable online business by being 100% your authentic Self. Life CAN change fast.